?$

never know why, really

2009-11-07T15:41:06Z

bury me softly in this womb
i give this part of me for you
sand rains down and here i sit
holding rare flowers
in a tomb...in bloom

down in a hole and i don't know if i can be saved
see my heart i decorate it like a grave
you don't understand who they thought i was supposed to be
Look at me now a man who wont let himself be

down in a hole, feeling so small
down in a hole, losing my soul
i'd like to fly
but my wings have been so denied

down in a hole and they've put all the stones in their place
i've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste
i have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth
i will speak no more of my feelings beneath

down in a hole, feeling so small
down in a hole, losing my soul
i'd like to fly
but my wings have been so denied

bury me softly in this womb
oh i want to be inside of you
i give this part of me for you
oh i want to be inside of you
sand rains down and here i sit
holding rare flowers (oh i want to be inside of you)
in a tomb...in bloom
oh i want to be inside...

down in a hole, feeling so small
down in a hole, losing my soul
down in a hole, feeling so small
down in a hole, out of control
i'd like to fly
but my wings have been so denied

i wish i could open up, reach out, understand myself as well as certain others do...

yochrisithinktheythinkyaknowtoomuch

2009-03-07T20:40:25Z

hollow man, look at all my dangling parts
dropping to the gutter with a piece of you in my heart
little piece of shit that i couldn't fling from my chest
should have stayed a lot, long enough to kill the fag you're with
but right now, my skin is getting stripped off
each one of my limbs is ripped off covered in thick sauce
my head hits the conveyer i'm not thinking a prayer is sick
i'm wacthing a movie at loewe's alone and you suckin' some guy's dick
six seconds left when i die i'm gonna find her
on some poltergeist shit, while my face goes through the grinder

[from "suicidal failure" cage]

this bitch (simony diamond)

2008-07-15T20:33:56Z

is the hottest pornstar evar

she's hungarian, 5'9", and has a good ass/vag/legs/eyebrows

i don't get it but whatever

ahahaha

YESSSS

double yessss hahahahahahahahahaha

fuck you guys srsly

[p.s. is it just my computer or are half of these pictures not working? i normally don't hotlink but i don't really know where i can upload pictures of this nature]

brainresin @ 2008-06-04T10:08:00

2008-06-04T15:17:57Z

remember that time that i made you so mad
last week right, ha ha you know that
it's not like it's all that rare
so put it here and let me cherish the embarrassment
i realize i've been a dick head, yes
and i respect how you question your investments
i take the plane but it ain't to be impressive
it feels like a cop out to label it lessons
i've been though the rain but i've put other people
through a hurricane just to work the game
some time i swim through so much shame
i think my little man's blessed that he didn't get my last name
and here you are right in front of me
offering it all like tell me what you want from me
i wanna love you today and forever
Let me clear my throat and rub my wings together

it goes: i'm not perfect but i'm this that and this
my hands are dirty and i'm this that and this
you've been searching for this that and this
let's break the surface and make a little happy mess
i'm not perfect but i'm this that and this
my hands are dirty and i'm this that and this
you've been searching for this that and this
let's break the surface and make a little happy mess

whoo girl, you're the most beautiful thing i've seen
enticing, exciting
even the sound of your voice gotta nice ring
ya seem like the type that might help me tighten up my pipe dreams
we can keep digging through this dirt
team up, you and i against the universe
think about it, what cha say to yourself
you can wear my cape and i can play with your belt
the truth is there now
stand with me, look into that mirror now
and tell me you don't see the same image
gonna be a brand name babe once the rain is finished

it goes: i'm not perfect but i'm this that and this
my hands are dirty and i'm this that and this
you've been searching for this that and this
let's break the surface and make a little happy mess
i'm not perfect but i'm this that and this
my hands are dirty and i'm this that and this
you've been searching for this that and this
let's break the surface and make a little happy mess

i can't believe she got me on a ball and chain
it's not a complaint, i appreciate it
for all the dumb mistakes I make
i'm surprised baby girl ain't threw me away
i never meant to hurt no one
i just want to stay productive till the work is done
i dance to a certain drum
but when i fell off beat you didn't turn and run, no
you see me at my lowest moments
you gave me sight when I had broken focus
with a smile that opens up like a rose does
even when it all felt so fucking hopeless
and here you are, right in front of me
offering it all like 'tell me what you want from me'
i want to thank you today and forever
let's make a little happy mess together
you know

i'm not perfect but i'm this that and this
my hands are dirty and i'm this that and this
you've been searching for this that and this
let's break the surface and make a little happy mess
i'm not perfect but i'm this that and this
my hands are dirty and i'm this that and this
you've been searching for this that and this
let's break the surface and make a little happy mess

1983

2008-03-05T09:54:31Z

hurrah, i awake from yesterday
alive, but the war is here to stay
so my love catherina and me
decide to take our last walk through the noise to the sea
not to die but to be reborn,
away from lands so battered and torn
forever
forever

oh say, can you see it's really such a mess
every inch of earth is a fighting nest
giant pencil and lipstick tube shaped things
continue to rain and cause screaming pain
and the arctic stains from silver blue to bloody red
as our feet find the sand and the sea is
is straight ahead
straight up ahead

well it's too bad that our friends can't be with us today
well it's too bad
the machine that we built
would never save us, that's what they say
(that's why they ain't coming with us today)
and they also said it's impossible for a man to live and breathe under water
forever, was their main complaint
and they also threw this in my face, they said:
"anyway, you know good and well it would be beyond the will of god,
and the grace of the king" (grace of the king)

so my darling and i make love in the sand
to salute the last moment ever on dry land
our machine, it has done its work, played its part well
Without a scratch on our bodies and we bid it farewell
starfish and giant foams greet us with a smile
before our heads go under we take a last look at the killing noise
of the out of style
the out of style, out of style

so down and down and down and down we go
hurry my darlin' we mustn't be late
for the show
neptune champion games to an aqua world is so very dear
right this way smiles a mermaid
i can hear atlantis full of cheer
atlantis full of cheer
i can hear atlantis full of cheer

don't tell me lucifer and god don't carpool

2007-12-13T19:47:39Z

there's smoke in my iris but i painted a sunny day on the insides of my eyelids so i'm ready now what you ready for? i'm ready for life in this city and my wings have grown almost enough to lift me...

today is starting to feel really dark. i can't walk into my bedroom without feeling something there that i don't like. maybe i should do a crossword...

courage or idiocy

2007-12-13T18:06:31Z

i hate my interest, my curiosity.
i don't to look my weakness and my fear in the face so strongly again
yet still want to know if i can find light above the darkness
i haven't made up my mind yet
but sorry i'm weak-minded to begin with. i don't think that's it.
how would you feel if you were ripped out of reality and reborn into a place you've never been before, where fucking nothing makes sense or is recognizable for any comfortable period of time, where you can't fucking remember how you got here, where you feel like your entire body and mind is being controlled by some almost human evil force pulling everything around you into fractions and and pieces and sinking your numb body into every distorted bit of physical around you. where you're a weak little fucking child who forgot what anything was, and the real voice you hear isn't saying shit that makes any sense and is trying to tell you what to do, you keep hearing you name and that's all you know, you feel entirely small while everything fucking grows and moves around you and turns into areas of dark and grey and then you can't remember which way you're facing. a repeated process of forgetting, remembering, trying to grab, slipping, forgetting, etcetera. evil was there and i was entirely alone, a fucking scared ass little kid who doesn't know shit trying to hold on to who i really was. the most alone i have ever felt in my fucking life. and my heartbeat echoing over and over in my head, the only thing close and tangible to me, boomboomboom breaking my ribcage but not in the good way.

by the way, i should probably stop listening to waterworld.

music for shoplifting

2007-12-13T17:51:12Z

away with spirits
i am fear personified
no place to hide if you're locked in your mind, right?

it's fall but...

2007-10-05T09:23:20Z

ain't no way to explain or say
how painful the hangover was today
in front of the toilet, hands and knees
trying to breathe in between the dry heaves
my baby made me some coffee
afraid that if i drink some, it's probably coming right back out me
couple of advil, relax and chill
at a standstill with how bad i feel
i think i need to smell fresh air
so i stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs
the sunlight hit me dead in the eye
like it's mad i gave half the day to last night
my bad sight made me trip on my ass
right into that patch of grass like that's life
all of a sudden, i realize something
the weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin
stood up and took a look and a breath
and there's that bike that i forgot that i possessed
never really seen exercise as friendly
but i think something's telling me to ride that slow speed
the brakes are broken, it's alright
the tires got air and the chain seems tight
hopped on and felt the summertime
it reminds me of one of them musab lines like

sunshine sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind
sometimes you gotta give in to win
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine
sunshine sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind
sometimes you gotta give in to win
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine
whoa let it shine, whoa let it shine
whoa let it shine, whoa let it

if i could i would keep this feeling in a plastic jar
bust it out whenever someone's actin hard
settle down, barbeque in the backyard
the kids get treats and old folks get classic cars
every day that gets to pass is a success
and every woman looks better in a sun dress
the sunshine's an excuse to shoot hoops, get juice
show improve their moves and let loose
i hear voices, i see smiles to match em
good times and you can feel it in the fashion
even though the heat cooks up the action
the streets still got butterflies, enough kids to catch 'em
ridin my bike around these lakes man
feelin like i finally figured out my escape plan
take it all in, the day started off all wrong
somehow now that hangover is all gone
ain't nothing like the sound of the leaves
when the breeze penetrates these southside trees
leanin up against one, watchin the vibe
forgetting all the stress, thanking god i'm alive
it's so simple, i had to keep the song simple
when i get home i'm gonna open up all the windows
feeling all right, stopped at a stop sign
a car pulled up, bumpin fresh prince's summertime

sunshine sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind
sometimes you gotta give in to win
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine
sunshine sunshine, it's fine
i feel it in my skin, warming up my mind
sometimes you gotta give in to win
i love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine
whoa let it shine, whoa let it shine
whoa let it shine, whoa let it...

[ ]

2007-09-04T22:16:21Z

time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth
you pull on your finger, then another finger then your cigarette
the wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget
ohhh how how how, you're a rock n roll suicide

you're too old to lose it, too young to choose it
and the clock waits so patiently on your song
you walk past a cafe but you don't eat when you've lived too long
oh no, no, no, you're a rock n roll suicide

chev brakes are snarling as you stumble across the road
but the day breaks instead so you hurry home
don't let the sun blast your shadow
don't let the milk float ride your mind
you're so natural, religiously unkind

oh no love, you're not alone
you're watching yourself but you're too unfair
you got your head all tangled up
but if i could only make you care

oh no love, you're not alone
no matter what or who you've been
no matter when or where you've seen
all the knives seem to lacerate your brain
i've had my share, i'll help you with the pain
you're not alone

just turn on with me and you're not alone
let's turn on with me and you're not alone (wonderful)
give me your hands cause you're wonderful (wonderful)
give me your hands cause you're wonderful (wonderful)
oh give me your hands

brainresin @ 2007-08-21T15:31:00

2007-08-21T20:36:36Z

hello darkness, my old friend
i've come to talk with you again
because a vision soflty creeping
left its seeds while i was sleeping
and the vision that was painted in my brain
still remains
within the sound of silence

in restless dreams i walked alone
narrow streets of cobblestone
beneath the halo of a street lamp
i turned my collar to the cold and damp
when my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
that split the night
and touched the sound of silence

and in the naked light i saw
ten thousand people, maybe more
people talking without speaking
people hearing without listening
people writing songs that voices never share
and no one dare
disturb the sound of silence

"fools," said i, "you do not know
silence like a cancer grows"
"hear my words that i might teach you,
take my arms that i might reach you"
but my words like silent raindrops fell
and echoed in the wells of silence

and the people bowed and prayed
to the neon god they made
and the sign flashed out its warning
in the words that it was forming
and the signs said the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
and tenement halls
and whispered in the sound of silence

here i stay...

2007-06-20T21:57:12Z

under the bridge downtown
is where i drew some blood
under the bridge downtown
i could not get enough
under the bridge downtown
forgot about my love
under the bridge downtown
i gave my life away

brainresin @ 2007-06-13T14:51:00

2007-06-13T19:55:49Z

i made this journal because there are a lot of things i feel uncomfortable talking about in my regular one. things related to drugs, experiences, problems, etcetera. and sometimes i just really need to talk about those things. so i won't add just anyone here and if you have been added then obviously i think you're worthy to hear about or be involved in that part of my life. there really aren't many people. even some i consider close friends. so keep in mind, this is nothing more than for me to get shit out of me, maybe more truths than i usually can muster. i won't add a person if i think they're going to give me shit for things i say here.

whatever. just a warning. not that anyone needs it.

love you faggots.

brainresin @ 2007-06-10T23:52:00

2007-06-11T04:53:34Z

Write now. Kill yourself.