?$

http://asianmanrecords.com/basket/riseandfalloffif.html

i know onna you guys can buy me a 27$ xmas present.

OHSHITMAYBEILLMAKEMYMOMBUYIT.

edit: yeah ma totally wants to buy this over a ~40 dollar bra. WAHOOOOOO!!!!!

merry xmas INDEED!!!

haha i was looking through tiffany's old facebook pictures and remembered how great this is. she took this at the "it came from lake michigan film festival" we were at with her parents. this is troma president lloyd kaufman with former racine mayor (whom tiffany's mom was secretary for) and (now) notorious pedophile gary becker, arrested during a sting intending to fuck a 14-year-old girl and for child pornography. and some bitches for added effect.


of course, here is the other great picture from that night, myself, tiffany and kyle with mr. kaufman.

haha i seriously meant to find and post this back when becker was first arrested...but it took a year, whatever.

What a rollercoster lately!

school didn't even as well as I would have hoped
but im getting some of my film reviews potentially published
another parkside film student is going to show me how to use the cameras and sound equipment etc and help on set with some movie he's working on.

ive been working out lately. either lifting weights, yoga, or some old karate exercises i remmeber. and i feel really good lately. im working on my screenplay and its amazing. i see it so perfectly in my head and its becoming something concrete. i adore it. i love jason so much, things have been so amazing lately, it's addicting.

i'm not even sure if anyone reads this anymore...

( zdjjgsokgdfgjzndfgkjzdnfgjzdfgxc )

davis, me, rudy & jessica


davis, rudy & chris


somebody i don't know & jeremy


raven & her & davis' daughter aubri


ha

( sxigdtogjzdghjdfgjfgjdthgsd )

resolutions:

- get over my fear of driving on the freeway
- do more silkscreening
- stop beating myself up about everything
- continue becoming increasingly independent
- get rid of a fuckton of stuff i don't need - aka "streamline"
- learn bass
- go back to school
- appreciate the mundane

(...this is a rough draft.)

Hey. I'm going to be in town tonight through Sunday. I'm going to Greg's new years party :D I don't have a phone but try to get a hold of me somehow...

before I go, I wanted to post a pictor I posted on my facebook. Annnd my xmas tree. Because the next time I get to post it, it'll be far too late.


nerdy 9 year old Raye.


pokemon themed x-mas tree.

( more pokemontree behind ze cut~ )

today i'm going in for a CAT scan. 22 minutes ago was the cutoff for me drinking and eating, which causes me great stress as i ALWAYS have water on me. i need a bottle of water everywhere i go. about 3 weeks ago i began to have excruciating pain in my left side, right below my ribs. i went to the doctor on the 14th and it was discerned that i have pleurisy, an inflammation of the lungs, and was prescribed an antibiotic whose spelling i can't recall, naproxen, and tramadol. the tramadol helped IMMENSELY. i ran out of both the antibiotics and the tramadol on christmas and the pain has barely subsided. i was throwing up at random times the last few days and then feeling fine. but the pain is still there, especially when i cough. i didn't even know if i should go to the doctor being as it isn't as bad as its peak, which was about 5 days after i started taking the pills. i would wake up and sometimes just be crying from how bad it was, until i popped the little red pills. but i went back yesterday, out of fear (he told me if i wasn't better in a week to come back, i came back after 2), and because frankly i was hoping for more tramadol (which i was given, and looking at the full sans 2 bottle sitting next to me is very satisfying). so he told me to come in for a CAT scan today, which i have never had before.

one thing that makes me uncomfortable is the fact that this illness is the first time in my life where i've felt i NEED pain pills. and i am so afraid of addiction to pain pills and tramadol may not be an opiate, it's an opioid, and does cause withdrawal symptoms. but i'm always worried about shit like that. i already have 2 addictions (cigarettes and marijuana) and i normally only take pills in moderation, so taking something everyday and NEEDING it like that is frightening. but i don't pretend in the least to know addiction like some friends of mine, and they are very strong people for overcoming those addictions. and here i am worrying about a moderately weak pain pill.

anyway, i can't wait for tomorrow, i get paid and can finally get new shoes. also, a girl i went to MIAD with, yasmine, is coming down to racine and paying me to take pictures for her. and i will have my delicious buds and can soon have a nice dinner at the olive garden (i've only eaten there once).

i don't remember the last 2 days very well. fuck anxiety, i have enough of it in my life, i don't need it anymore. don't ask.

i wish i was more inspired to say the things i used to. i wish i had the calling pulling beautiful mountain, the edge of the earth, cascading water down, images in my soul, in my brain, in my dreams. i need a change of atmosphere.

on edge, i want to write murder words, i need to get back into poetry outlets, but not that whiny baby shit about cutting yourself and hating your life and deep dark wells you bitches eat up. fuck your bad poetry. you suck.

hallmark is a pretty nice place to work but the christmas season is over and tonight is my last day of work for 9 days. january will be a very sad month.

tired of jesus shows.

there are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay
so you bargain with the devil, but you're ok for today...

So, I stumbled upon this memory book a couple of months ago. But I only take down my scanner once every 6 months. And today was that day. So I'm FINALLY posting this. Only, like, 3 months late.


7 year old Raye.

( ahoy! spelling errors! )

So there you go. I got 2 and a half hours left of night phones. I watched The Wizard for the first time with Buttons tonight. It was hilarious. I had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas. Just very chill and a lot of love. And lots of food and intelligent conversation. And TYLER AND CAROLYN GOT ENGAGED OMG. I'll post a list of swag I got later. I'll probably have to make two posts because I might get presents when I'm in Wisconsin.

Don't sleep.
Don't eat.
Don't not answer phones.

xNIGHTxPHONESx